Parenting and Technology: Lead as a Lighthouse Parent Instead of a Detached, Helicopter, or Snowplow Parent
- The White Hatter
- Jan 13
- 5 min read
Updated: May 16
Caveat - We fully recognize that “some” children need more guidance and structure than others. Ultimately, choose a parenting style that fits the needs of your child.
In today's onlife world, parenting styles play a crucial role in shaping how children interact with technology. From social media and online gaming to online learning and digital communication, your approach as a parent or caregiver influences your child's relationship with their onlife world. Let’s delve into the three common parenting styles that we have seen (detached, helicopter, and snowplow) and how they manifest in the context of children's technology use, along with their potential benefits and pitfalls. Lastly we will recommend why we should become “Lighthouse Parents”
Detached Parents: “Hands-Off” and Uninvolved
Detached parents and caregivers, or in the past something we called open-range parenting, tend to take a hands-off approach when it comes to their child’s technology use. This could be due to a lack of awareness, time constraints, or a conscious decision to allow their child to navigate the onlife world independently. In some cases, this approach can foster independence, as children learn to make decisions on their own, develop self-regulation, and enhance their critical thinking skills. Additionally, this hands-off approach can reduce conflicts at home, particularly around common issues such as screen use or app usage.
However, a lack of guidance can lead to significant risks. Without parental oversight, children may encounter harmful content, fall victim to scams, or engage in risky online behaviours such as oversharing personal information. Detached parents and caregivers might also miss valuable opportunities to teach their children about digital literacy and online safety, leaving them unprepared to navigate the complexities of the onlife world and they grow into adulthood.
For parents and caregivers who lean toward detachment, even small efforts can make a big difference. Regularly discussing your child’s favourite apps or online activities can help you stay informed while respecting their independence. Implementing parental controls can serve as a safety net, allowing your child some freedom while protecting them from potentially harmful content.
Helicopter Parents: “Always Watching” and Over-Involved
Helicopter parents and caregivers, are known for their intense involvement in their child’s life, and this extends to their use of technology. These parents and caregivers closely monitor their child’s online activities, often tracking their every move and tightly controlling access to apps, devices, and social platforms. This level of supervision can provide significant benefits, including heightened safety, as children are less likely to encounter harmful situations or make risky decisions online. Additionally, helicopter parents and caregivers often use these moments to teach their children about appropriate online behaviour and digital etiquette.
On the other hand, this over-involvement can have drawbacks. Constant monitoring may stifle a child’s ability to develop critical thinking, resiliency, and self-regulation, as they rely on their parents and caregivers to make decisions for them. Furthermore, excessive involvement can lead to privacy concerns, potentially damaging trust between parent, caregivers, and child. Children who feel their personal space is being invaded may push back, creating tension in the parent-child relationship.
To strike a better balance, helicopter parents and caregivers can focus on fostering trust with their children. Gradually reducing the level of monitoring as a child demonstrates responsible behaviour can help build mutual respect. Instead of controlling every aspect of their child’s online experience, parents and caregivers can empower their children by teaching them how to identify risks and make informed decisions on their own.
Snowplow Parents: “Clearing the Path” and Over-Protective
Snowplow parents and caregivers take a proactive and protective approach to their child’s use of technology. They often work to eliminate potential obstacles, such as harmful content or negative interactions, by preemptively blocking apps, restricting social media, or managing online interactions on behalf of their child. This approach minimizes risks, ensuring that children are less likely to encounter harmful content or online predators. It can also simplify the online experience for young children or those with limited digital literacy, making the digital world feel less overwhelming.
However, this well-intentioned approach can also hinder a child’s growth. Overprotecting children may prevent them from developing the skills needed to navigate challenges independently, leaving them ill-equipped to handle online issues as they grow older. Additionally, snowplow parenting can foster dependency, as children come to rely on their parents or caregivers to resolve even minor problems in the onlife space.
Snowplow parents and caregivers can adopt a more balanced approach by encouraging their children to tackle manageable online challenges. For instance, allowing a child to troubleshoot an app issue or handle an inappropriate comment with guidance can build their problem-solving skills and confidence. Gradually introducing new technology in a guided manner, rather than outright banning certain platforms, can also help children learn how to use these tools responsibly.
Parenting in the onlife world doesn’t require adhering strictly to one style. Instead, parents and caregivers can combine the strengths of all three approaches to create a balanced strategy. Staying engaged in your child’s online activities without micromanaging fosters trust and understanding. Teaching digital literacy equips your child with the tools to navigate technology safely and responsibly. As your child grows, adapting your level of involvement to meet their developmental needs ensures that your approach remains effective and supportive.
A parenting strategy that incorporates the best aspects of Detached, Helicopter, and Snowplow parenting is what we like to call "Lighthouse Parenting” - a term introduced by paediatrician Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg in his 2015 book, Raising Kids to Thrive: Balancing Love With Expectations and Protection With Trust. (1)
Lighthouse Parenting:
This approach mirrors the role of a lighthouse - providing guidance and support without being overbearing or intrusive. Parents and caregivers act as a steady presence, offering direction and safety when needed while allowing their children the space to navigate their own paths independently. Like Detached parenting, Lighthouse parenting respects a child’s autonomy, fostering independence and critical thinking. It also reflects the protective vigilance of Helicopter parenting by illuminating potential risks and challenges, helping children make informed decisions without micromanaging every aspect of their online lives. Similarly, it borrows from Snowplow parenting by clearing the way for success when necessary but ensures children develop the skills and resilience to face challenges on their own.
Lighthouse parenting strikes a balance between protection, guidance, and independence, empowering children to thrive in the onlife world while fostering trust, responsibility, and self-confidence.
In the ever-evolving onlife world, parenting requires adaptability, intention, and balance. Detached, Helicopter, and Snowplow parenting styles each offer valuable insights into how parents and caregivers can approach their child’s technology use. However, these approaches, when used in isolation, can sometimes miss the mark. Detached parenting risks neglecting essential teachable moments, Helicopter parenting may inadvertently hinder independence, and Snowplow parenting can stifle the development of resilience and problem-solving skills.
By adopting the principles of “Lighthouse Parenting”, parents and caregivers can blend the best elements of these styles into a cohesive and effective strategy. Acting as a steady guide, lighthouse parents and caregivers illuminate risks, offer direction, and provide a safe harbour, all while giving children the freedom to explore and learn within the digital space. This approach encourages independence, fosters trust, and equips children with the critical skills they need to navigate technology responsibly.
Parenting in the onlife world is not about choosing one rigid style but about embracing a dynamic, balanced strategy that evolves with your child’s growth and the ever-changing onlife landscape. By becoming a lighthouse parent or caregiver, you can empower your child to thrive in the onlife world, ensuring they are not only safe but also confident and capable in their digital journey.
Ultimately, the goal is not to control your child’s relationship with technology but to guide them in developing a healthy and balanced onlife experience. Whether you identify as a detached, helicopter, snowplow, or lighthouse parent or caregiver, intentional and informed parenting will always lead to the best outcomes for your child in today’s onlife world.
Digital Food For Thought
The White Hatter
Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech
References
