Your Child Is Watching: Why Parents and Caregivers Need to Narrate Their Own Technology Use
- The White Hatter
- 6 minutes ago
- 4 min read
One of the most powerful digital literacy lessons parents and caregivers can teach their child does not require a special app, parental control software, or a lengthy family discussion. It starts with something much simpler, it starts with modelling your use of technology.
Youth and teens learn far more from what they observe than from what they are told. While parents and caregivers often focus on monitoring how much time their children spend on devices, it is equally important to recognize that youth and teens are constantly observing how the adults around them use technology as well.
Whether we realize it or not, our children are paying attention. They notice when we reach for our phones during dinner. They notice when we check notifications while watching a movie together. They notice when we answer a text message while standing in line at the grocery store. They notice when our phones seem to command our attention more quickly than the people around us, including when they are attempting to gain the attention of the parent or caregiver.
As parents and caregivers, we often tell our children that technology is a tool. However, if the only thing they observe is adults constantly staring at screens without context, they may begin to see technology as something entirely different. They may come to view it primarily as a source of entertainment, distraction, or even dependency. This is why we often encourage parents and caregivers to become more intentional and transparent when using their phones around their children.
One simple strategy is to verbalize what you are doing with your phone. When you pull out your phone, explain why you are about to use it. Your child may not always appear to be listening, but these small moments help build an important understanding, they demonstrate that technology serves a purpose and that devices can be used responsibly to solve problems, communicate, learn, organize, and navigate everyday life. For example, instead of silently pulling out your phone and typing away, you might say,
“I’m just sending a message to your school to let them know we’ll be a few minutes late because of your dental appointment.”
“I’m opening Google Maps so I can find the fastest route to your basketball game.”
“I’m checking the weather forecast before we leave so we know if we need rain jackets.”
“I’m adding groceries to our shopping list so I don’t forget anything we need.”
“I’m checking my work calendar to see what time my meeting starts tomorrow.”
These simple explanations may seem insignificant, but they help children understand that smartphones are often being used as practical tools rather than merely sources of entertainment.
In many ways, parents and caregivers are helping to create a family environment where healthy technology habits are visible and understandable. Rather than leaving children to make assumptions about device use, parents and caregivers provide context that helps young people understand both the purpose and value behind their digital behaviours. Research on digital parenting and parental mediation has consistently shown that children learn technology habits by observing the adults around them, making parental modelling one of the most powerful forms of digital literacy education (1).
This approach can also help reduce a common perception among youth and teens that adults are being hypocritical when it comes to screen use. Many young people have expressed frustration to us during school presentations when they hear messages such as, “Get off your phone,” while simultaneously watching parents and caregivers spending significant amounts of time on their own devices.
Of course, adults often use their phones for work, communication, banking, scheduling, navigation, and other responsibilities that youth and teens do not yet have. The challenge is that youth and teens cannot always distinguish between productive use and recreational use simply by looking. To them, screen use is screen use.
By verbalizing what we are doing, we help bridge that gap. We provide context, we demonstrate intentionality, and we show that technology is serving us, rather than us serving technology. It may even help us to realize when we may be using technology in a less than desirable way.
This strategy also opens the door to meaningful conversations about digital balance. When youth and teens hear parents explaining why they are using technology, they begin to understand that different types of screen use have different purposes. Watching a funny video, completing homework, checking directions, communicating with family, attending an online meeting, or researching a school project are not necessarily the same activities, even though they all involve a screen.
At The White Hatter, we often encourage families to move beyond simply counting “screen time” and instead focus on what we call “screen value.” Understanding the purpose behind technology use is often more important than focusing exclusively on the amount of time spent using it.
Most importantly, narrating your technology use helps reinforce an important life lesson that technology is a tool. Just like a hammer, a calculator, a bicycle, or a kitchen appliance, its value comes from how it is used.
When parents and caregivers intentionally explain why they are using their phones, they help youth and teens develop a healthier and more realistic understanding of technology. They learn that cellphones can be used to solve problems, stay organized, communicate effectively, and accomplish tasks, not simply to scroll endlessly through content.
Youth and teens may not remember every conversation we have about digital literacy, however, they will remember what they consistently see us doing. That is why one of the most effective digital literacy lessons may be the example we set every day, one intentional explanation at a time.
Digital Food For Thought
The White Hatter
Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech
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