Why Youth & Teens Need Parents and Caregivers More Than Ever - Artificial Intelligence, Friction, Family, & Relationships
- The White Hatter
- Jul 30
- 9 min read
Caveat - At The White Hatter, we’ve never been in the business of fear. Our goal is to protect and educate! Our guiding principles have always been: Facts, Not Fear. Facts, Not Emotions. Enlighten, Not Frighten. Know Tech, Not No Tech.
However, we do believe in speaking up when something deserves serious attention. Right now, that something is artificial intelligence (AI).
AI is advancing at an incredibly fast pace, with little in the way of legal guardrails, ethical frameworks, or accountability. While these tools are being built primarily for adult users to do some incredible things, it is a fact that they are now also being used socially by youth and teens, often without much oversight or understanding. Nearly every major search engine and social media platform is integrating AI into its features, meaning young people are engaging with this technology every day, whether they realize it or not.
This article is our way of “ringing the bell”. Not to panic, but to awaken and prepare parents, caregivers, and educators to increase awareness surrounding how important education on this topic is.
AI is just a tool, it can be used to help or to harm. However, in today’s onlife world, the development of this tool is largely in the hands of big tech companies that operate with minimal accountability. Their goal is attention, influence, and profit and they are willing to move fast and break things, not understanding those things they break could be our kids.
Parents, caregivers, and educators need to be aware of what’s happening and why it matters specific to AI. The needed conversation about youth and AI isn’t just coming, it’s already here, and this article is about awakening parents, caregivers, and educators to this fact!
Prior to the internet, there was a time when youth and teens looked primarily to parents, caregivers, and teachers for answers. Those adult voices helped shape a youth and teen’s understanding of right and wrong, success and failure, identity and responsibility. Today, that influence is being challenged, not just by peers or pop culture, but by technology itself, more importantly artificial intelligence.
From social media influencers giving relationship advice to now AI chatbots offering life tips, youth and teens have access to thousands of perspectives, often more persuasive and immediate than those from the adults in their lives. When a youth or teen asks the internet for mental health resources, or sees hundreds of videos about dating or body image on social media, the messages they receive might align with your family’s values, or completely contradict them. Either way, those messages are now part of the conversation, whether adults are ready for it or not.
Friction between generations has always existed, it’s how youth and teens test limits, develop independence, and build resilience and agency. That kind of tension, when guided by trusted adults, helps youth and teens to grow. However, growth needs boundaries that are shaped by empathy, ethics, laws, and a sense of long term development, which can differ from family to family. This is where today’s digital environment can pose a real challenge. Many tech companies, especially those using AI, are focused on removing friction to boost engagement, even if it comes at the cost of important developmental safeguards, all in pursuit of corporate profit.
For example, consider how some social media platforms automatically cue the next video without pause. The point isn’t to encourage reflection or teach values, it’s to keep users watching. Many social media platforms promote content based on what keeps people engaged, not necessarily what informs or uplifts. Even educational sounding content can sometimes promote misinformation or push emotionally charged, polarizing opinions. This isn’t accidental, these systems are designed to be frictionless because attention is the product being sold.
The rise of AI is accelerating this shift. AI is no longer just a tool for providing information, it is now doing things for users through AI agents that complete tasks, generate content, and interact with the world on a users behalf. (1) For youth and teens, this can feel like a form of omnipotence, the ability to get anything, do anything, and solve anything instantly, we have even heard some say it’s magical in its abilities. However, omnipotence without structure can be dangerous. Without scaffolding, that sense of unlimited ability may hinder the development of patience, problem-solving, and accountability. Youth and teens who will inevitably turn to these platforms to do their work for them are not just skipping steps for the sake of expedience, they are skipping the learning that comes with those steps. What kind of emotional, psychological, physical, and social effect will this have later in life? The honest answer is, “we don’t know!”
We are also seeing a growing number of youth and teens turning to AI companionship apps for emotional support. (2)(3) These apps remove the friction that naturally exists in human relationships. They don’t challenge your child, misread tone, or misunderstand emotion. On the surface, that might seem helpful, but it’s actually counterproductive. Friction in real relationships teaches empathy, consent, negotiation, and resilience. Without it, youth risk developing unrealistic expectations of others and of themselves. Learning how to sit with discomfort, work through misunderstanding, and grow through conflict is critical. AI relationships offer none of that.
We believe that if we’re not paying attention, AI could become just as influential as the home and school in shaping a child’s development. The challenge is, while we have spent decades building legal, ethical, and social standards for parenting and education, there are virtually no agreed upon boundaries for how AI should interact with young people. NONE!
It’s worth noting that there are some exceptions, such as Khanmigo (4) and AngelQ (5), which are taking a more thoughtful approach, but these are outliers, not the standard. There is no question that AI is making a meaningful impact in fields like medicine and science, particularly for adult users. But most publicly available AI platforms developed by big tech operate with little to no external oversight. That leaves a largely unregulated, profit focused system shaping how youth and teens think, feel, and behave in their interactions with AI.
Parents, caregivers, and educators can, and should, play an active role, but the significant influence of big tech to “frame the narrative” is hard to ignore. Even when families are having important conversations around the dinner table about technology and AI, it’s sometimes not enough to match the constant presence of social media and AI platforms. These systems run around the clock, pushing content and interactions designed to hold a youth or teen’s attention, not for their benefit, but to drive company profits.
Legislation, more importantly the right legislation, has a critical role to play here. We need policy that puts meaningful limits on how tech companies design platforms and AI systems that can be accessed by youth and teens. (6) This is not a radical ask, it’s a responsible responses to a digital ecosystem that prioritizes profit over child well-being. Regulation should aim to restore balance by creating friction where it matters, not in a punitive way, but in a developmental one.
At the end of the day, youth and teens still need their parents and caregivers. They need educators, mentors, and role models who help them make sense of a complicated and more integrated onlife world especially when it comes to the lightening speed rise of AI. However, they also need a system that supports those efforts rather than working against them. Technology should expand learning, not override the voices that care most about a youth or teen’s future. Here are some thoughts specific to having the discussion:
1. Start the Conversation Early and Keep It Ongoing
AI isn’t some future innovation, it’s already here, integrated into the apps and platforms kids use daily. From Snapchat filters to TikTok’s content curation to AI chatbots offering advice or companionship, youth and teens are engaging with artificial intelligence whether they recognize it or not. This means conversations shouldn’t wait until something goes wrong. Normalize discussions about how AI works, where it shows up, and what it’s doing in the background. Like with sex education or substance use, one big talk isn’t enough. Make it an ongoing dialogue that evolves with your child’s age, curiosity, and exposure.
2. Explain That AI Is a Tool, Not a Friend or Authority
Youth and teens often experience AI as intelligent and emotionally responsive, especially when it uses natural sounding language, emojis, or casual slang. It can feel like they’re talking to someone who “gets” them. Help them understand that AI isn’t sentient, it doesn’t understand context, care about their well-being, or have their best interests in mind. Just because something sounds helpful or emotionally supportive doesn’t mean it’s trustworthy. Reinforce that AI responses are based on predictions and training data, not wisdom or lived experience. Real trust and emotional safety come from people, not programs.
3. Talk About the Value of Friction
Youth naturally seek ease, comfort, and affirmation, especially in emotionally vulnerable moments. AI, by design, removes the social friction that exists in real relationships, there’s no judgment, awkwardness, or challenge. However, these very elements of human interaction are what help young people build empathy, communication skills, and emotional resilience. It’s important to explain that discomfort in relationships isn’t something to avoid, it’s often a signal for growth. Help them reflect on what they learn from working through disagreements with friends or family. Contrast that with what they don’t learn when an AI companion simply affirms everything they say.
4. Teach Digital Boundaries and Critical Thinking
Algorithms and AI are optimized for engagement, not ethics. That means what your youth or teen sees or hears may be compelling, but not necessarily correct or healthy. Teach them to question what they consume. Who created this AI tool? What data is it trained on? What are its goals? Encourage them to pause and think critically about the content they interact with, even if it looks helpful or comes from a chatbot they trust. The goal isn’t to make them paranoid, but to foster healthy skepticism and encourage them to loop in a trusted adult when something feels off.
5. Encourage Creation Over Consumption
There’s a difference between using AI to passively scroll or escape and using it as a creative or educational partner. Support your youth or teen in using AI tools that spark curiosity and innovation. For example, writing a story with AI, learning to code, or using it to generate ideas for a school project can be empowering and skill building. Compare that with using AI to avoid effort or responsibility. The message shouldn’t be “don’t use AI,” but rather, “use it to grow, not to avoid growth.”
6. Watch for Emotional Over-Reliance on AI Companions
If your youth or teen is turning to AI for emotional support, that’s a signal worth exploring. It might mean they’re not feeling heard, seen, or supported in their real world relationships. Instead of immediately banning the app or scolding the behaviour, approach it with curiosity. Ask open-ended questions like, “What do you like about talking to this app?” or “Do you feel like it understands you better than people do?” Use this as a window into their emotional needs. This isn’t about shaming AI use, it’s about making sure human connection stays central in your child’s life.
7. Push for Better Regulation, but Stay Engaged at Home
It’s important to push and support laws that make AI safer for kids, like requiring transparency, data protection, and ethical design standards. However, legislation alone will not replace the day to day guidance that parents, caregivers, and educators provide. Home is still the most immediate environment where trust, values, and behaviour are shaped. Parents and caregivers don’t need to become tech watchdogs, but they do need to model balanced use, talk openly about risks and benefits, and set clear expectations around AI interactions. Regulation creates safer structures, but real impact happens through trusted relationships at home.
8. Stay Informed, Even If You’re Not “Techy”
You don’t need to know how machine learning works to be a great digital parent or caregiver. What matters most is curiosity, not expertise. Ask your youth or teen to teach you about the AI tools they’re using. Look up explainers together. Stay engaged with trusted organizations or news sources that break down tech developments in plain language. The more informed you are, the more confident and effective you’ll be in guiding your child. Plus, showing that you’re willing to learn builds credibility, it shows your child that this isn’t about control, it’s about care.
The goal isn’t to ban tech, it’s to create a healthier relationship between young people and the onlife world they now live in, especially when it comes to AI. We do believe that “scaffolded AI” has a significant role to play with youth and teens and can have a positive outcome when it comes to education, Khanmingo is a good example. However, that begins with informed parents, clear boundaries, and laws, particularly around AI development, that prioritize the needs of youth, teens, parents, and caregivers, not just corporate interests.
AI is not inherently bad. However, youth and teens need parents, caregivers, and educators to help them make sense of it, set boundaries around it, and build the resilience and critical thinking skills that real human friction has always provided.
Specific to youth, teens, and AI, let the parent, caregiver, and educator awakening begin!
Digital Food For Thought
The White Hatter
Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech
Resources:
