Why We Don’t Promote The “Delay Is The Way” Approach to Tech Safety

CAVEAT 

Before diving into the core of this article, it’s important to say upfront that we agree with many of the principles expressed in the “delay” movement. These include:

• A belief in the unique and irreplaceable value of childhood

• A recognition of the importance of human connection

• A commitment to teaching children how to use technology responsibly

• A desire to offer families a chance to start fresh when it comes to technology

• A willingness to confidently share our recommendations, decisions, and tools with parents, caregivers, and educators

Where we part ways is on several key points. We don’t agree with some of the age-based restrictions they propose around technology and internet access, especially when it comes to  their support of legislation that effects a parent or caregiver’s choice - something we call “Nanny Legislation”. We also have concerns about the push to remove digital tools, like laptops, from classrooms at all grade levels. Finally, we take issue with how their position often relies on a selective use of research, “some” will even mis-represent published research to support their narrative, overlooking a broad body of high-quality, peer-reviewed evidence-based research that offers a more nuanced, balanced, and often opposing position. Families deserve access to the full spectrum of good research that is available, so they can make informed choices, not just fearful ones. This is why we support a balanced, step-by-step “pave the way” approach to digital literacy, one that’s intentional and builds like Lego bricks, rather than a prohibitive “delay is the way” model. In this article, we explain why. 

When parents and caregivers attempt to protect their kids from online harms by limiting access to technology at home, either by delaying it entirely or through strict age gating, they often feel they’re building a strong line of defence. The intent is good. It comes from a place of care and responsibility. But while this strategy may appear effective on the surface, it’s not foolproof. In fact, it may give families a false sense of security.

To put it in perspective, picture Israel’s “Iron Dome”, a real-world missile defence system that intercepts and destroys missiles before they can reach populated areas. It’s an impressive and powerful tool. But it isn’t 100% effective. During recent conflicts, including the recent one with Iran, the system was overwhelmed. Some missiles got through, and despite all that advanced protection, Israeli civilians were still seriously injured and killed.

This same analogy holds true when it comes to trying to “shield” kids from the digital world by simply banning tech at home.

Many parents and caregivers believe that keeping devices out of the home, or postponing access until a certain age, will shield their children from harmful content, online predators, peer drama, or screen-related mental health issues. It's an understandable impulse. However, if your child is growing up in today's onlife world, they are growing up in a ubiquitous digital environment, whether you allow it in your house or not.

Your child may not have a phone or social media at home, but their friends probably do, and school devices are connected, classmates will show them videos, memes, and apps during breaks. Bus rides, sleepovers, sports trips, and community events become places where your child is suddenly exposed to the very risks you’ve tried to block.

So what happens when that child, who hasn’t been given the chance to learn how to think critically or navigate digital spaces with adult guidance, steps outside the protection of your “home-based tech protection dome”?

They’re vulnerable. Why? because they haven’t been trained and haven’t built the digital resilience they need to respond in the moment. In effect, they’ve been sent into battle with no armour.

Consider these scenarios: 

#1 - A 13-year-old girl isn’t allowed to have access to social media at home under a parent or caregiver’s guidance. Her parents believe that by delaying access, they’re keeping her safe. But at a birthday party, one of her friends pulls out a phone and shows her a series of inappropriate TikTok videos. Another friend pressures her into posing for a photo that gets shared in a group chat. She doesn’t know how to say no. She hasn’t had these conversations at home because her parents were relying on tech abstinence as the primary safeguard.

#2 - Imagine a 14-year-old boy whose parents banned gaming and social media entirely. At school, he uses a shared Chromebook to sneak onto Discord, where he starts chatting with someone claiming to be a fellow gamer. Over time, the chats turn personal and manipulative. His parents never discussed online grooming with him, because they didn’t believe it would ever come up.

#3 - Imagine a a 15-year-old boy who goes to the the public library to access the internet on a library computer to do research, because parents will not allow them access at home, and comes across content that may not be appropriate for their age and development.

These aren’t hypotheticals. These are real situations happening every day. When tech is treated as the enemy, rather than a space that youth and teens need to be prepared for, young people are left exposed the moment they leave the perimeter, or the dome of protection, of the home and parental overwatch.

Rather than relying solely on restrictions, parents and caregivers need to invest in digital literacy education, combined with ongoing parent or caregiver involvement, which provides skills, habits, and conversations that prepare kids to use tech responsibly, critically, and safely.

Open communication with your child about the kinds of content they may come across online is essential. Rather than assuming they’ll only engage with age-appropriate or positive material, prepare them for the reality of the internet that we guarantee their curiosity will bring. This means discussing topics like violent videos, sexualized content, hate speech, or manipulative messaging. These conversations don’t need to be fear-based, they should be grounded, calm, and age-appropriate. For example, you might say, “Sometimes videos pop up that aren’t made for kids your age. If that ever happens, you can always tell me.” This sets the tone for trust and keeps the door open.

Teaching critical thinking skills is just as important as warning about what’s out there online. Kids and teens need to learn how to ask, “Who made this?” “What do they want me to feel or do?” and “Is this trustworthy?” Whether it's a fake news story, a scam ad, or an influencer promoting a product in disguise, the ability to pause and question digital content is a vital part of digital literacy. As an example, if your child sees a TikTok video claiming a celebrity died, walk them through how to verify that information using reputable sources.

Modelling healthy tech habits is another key layer of protection in building resiliency. Youth and teens learn more from what we do than what we say. If you’re telling them to unplug at dinner while scrolling through your own feed, that sends mixed messages. Instead, show them how to create boundaries like putting phones away during family time, taking breaks from screens, and practicing balance between online and offline activities. Share your own strategies out loud such as, “I’m logging off for a bit because I need a break from all the noise online.”

It’s also wise to prepare your child for the possibility that, at some point, they will encounter something inappropriate, upsetting, or confusing. This doesn’t mean scaring them, it means empowering them. A simple, matter-of-fact approach works best, saying things like, “You might come across something that’s upsetting. If that ever happens, you’re not in trouble. Just come tell me and we’ll figure it out together.” This helps your child feel prepared rather than blindsided and reduces the likelihood that they’ll hide things out of fear or shame.

Building emotional resilience is critical. When youth and teens know they are supported and understood, they are more likely to open up when something goes wrong. Make sure your child knows that they can come to you without fear of punishment or lectures. Emotional safety builds agency and real safety. If a youth or teen sees something scary online or is being bullied digitally, their first instinct should be to turn to you, not to hide it or try to deal with it alone. That trust is built over time, through consistent listening, empathy, and honest conversations.

Digital literacy isn’t a one-time talk or a checkbox. It’s a layered, ongoing part of parenting, just like teaching your child to look both ways before crossing the street, or how to react if they get lost in a store.

Some parents and caregivers rely on age-gating or using devices or app settings to prevent younger children from accessing certain platforms. These tools can help, but again, they’re not airtight. Youth and teens can borrow devices, use school laptops, utilize a virtual privacy network (VPN), or access alternate accounts created by friends.

In other words, age-gating is more like a speed bump than a roadblock. It might slow things down, but it won’t stop a determined or curious child from exploring the use of technology. This is why those conversations, those teachable moments, and that mutual trust are so important.

Parenting isn’t about controlling every aspect of your child’s life. It’s about coaching, guiding, supporting, and helping them grow into someone who can handle the world as it actually is, not the world we might wish for. That distinction matters, and it’s something every parent and caregiver needs to recognize.

Yes, technology can be harmful. But, it can also be helpful, creative, connecting, and empowering. The difference often lies in whether a youth or teen knows how to navigate it.

If your strategy is to build an “iron dome” around your child, relying on blocking access as your main defence, eventually, something harmful will still get through. But if you focus on developing their digital literacy and stay involved as a parent or caregiver, your child will grow into someone who is capable, informed, and ready to handle challenges when they arise, and if they can’t, they will be more likely to reach out to you for help.

Tech bans might feel like protection, but in many cases, they’re delay tactics that create blind spots. Parenting in the onlife world isn’t about building a dome of protection; it’s about opening doors to conversation, to education, and to the kind of guidance that doesn’t just shelter kids from danger, but helps them face it wisely both inside and outside the home.

It’s time to move away from the idea that we can protect our kids from every online risk by simply putting up barriers, a kind of digital “iron dome.” While that might create a sense of protection and control, it doesn’t actually equip youth and teens for the onlife world they’re growing up in.

Technology isn’t going away, and neither are the challenges, or opportunities, it brings. Instead of relying on a prohibitive “delay is the way” mindset, we should be preparing youth with real-world digital literacy skills. A balanced, developmentally appropriate “pave the way” approach helps kids build the confidence, awareness, and critical thinking they need to navigate the onlife world safely and responsibly. This doesn’t mean throwing them into the deep end, it means teaching them to swim first.

By delaying access to technology, we often end up unintentionally increasing its appeal. What’s off-limits tends to become more alluring, especially for kids and teens who are naturally curious and driven by a desire to explore and assert independence. When something is withheld entirely, it can take on a kind of mystique, “Why is this being kept from me?”, which can lead to sneaky or unsupervised use rather than open, guided engagement.

The more we treat technology like forbidden fruit, the more likely kids are to seek it out in secret. They might borrow a friend’s device, create hidden accounts, or access platforms behind a parent or caregiver's back. In those moments, the opportunity for parents and caregivers to help frame healthy habits, discuss risks, or establish trust is lost. The very guidance that could help shape responsible digital citizens gets left out of the equation.

Instead of delay is the way approach, it’s far more effective to bring it into the fold of everyday parenting. Introduce it in age-appropriate, manageable ways. Create space for questions, experimentation, and open conversation. This way, kids aren’t learning about the digital world through trial and error on their own, they’re learning with your support, values, and presence alongside them.

Rather than relying solely on reactive or restrictive measures, at the White Hatter we believe that safety can be intentionally embedded into the onlife environment in ways that promote children’s rights, agency, and well-being or what we like to call a "Pave The Way" approach to technology and the internet.

Digital Food For Thought

The White Hatter

Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech, #pavetheway