What Happens When Leaders Normalize Online Bullying
- The White Hatter
- Oct 5
- 4 min read
In early September, we shared an article titled, “When Teens See Adults as the Real Bullies – An Inconvenient Truth!”. (1) That article came from a powerful comment we heard from a student who said:
“You speak about bullying and peer aggression and how it is unacceptable, and that if targeted, adults will be there to help. But adults are the biggest offenders, especially those in politics who are bullies and peer aggressors, and they’re making lots of money doing it or getting what they want.”
This was not a throwaway remark. It was a heartfelt reflection from a young person who is watching closely how the adults in their life, especially those in positions of leadership and power, actually behave.
For over 30 years, our work with students has often focused on peer aggression, what many call bullying and cyberbullying. We have always emphasized empathy, compassion, and the importance of being up-standers rather than by-standers. Our goal has never been to suggest that we can prevent bullying 100% of the time, but to equip young people with the skills and courage to respond when it happens.
However, we need to acknowledge something that may be uncomfortable for some to accept, the progress made in digital literacy and online peer aggression prevention over the last several decades has been severely undermined in recent months.
Since January 2025, we’ve seen a disturbing trend play out on the world stage. The current U.S. President has used social media as a weapon to target individuals he dislikes. These attacks are public, amplified by algorithms, and widely consumed by youth who are watching carefully.
When the most powerful person in the world resorts to name-calling, intimidation, memes of his opponents, and digital harassment, it sends a message. When others in power stay silent, defend or make excuses for the behaviour, or allow it to bring personal, professional, and financial rewards, the message is unmistakable for young people:
This type of behaviour is tolerated.
Cruelty can be a tool for success.
Social media can be weaponized to gain influence.
As parents, caregivers, and educators this is the opposite of what we tell our youth and teens. We urge them not to bully, not to be cruel, and to use digital platforms responsibly. When they see leaders gaining power, prestige, and advantage through the very behaviours we warn against, the credibility of the anti-bully message is significantly weakened.
Youth and teens notice hypocrisy. They see adults breaking the very rules we tell them to follow, and they struggle to reconcile the contradiction. The student who spoke up was voicing a common sentiment, “Why should we listen to you about bullying when the adults in charge are doing it without consequences?”
This undermines trust. It also increases the risk that some young people will model the same harmful behaviour, believing it is not only acceptable but effective.
This reality doesn’t mean we give up on teaching empathy and respect. It means we need to double down.
One of the most important things parents, caregivers, and educators can do is to acknowledge the contradiction youth and teens see when adults, including leaders, fail to model the right behaviour. Be honest about the fact that grown ups don’t always live up to the values they preach, and validate your child’s frustration when they point this out. This honesty helps build trust and keeps the lines of communication open.
Parents, caregivers, and educators can also use current events as teachable moments. When public figures engage in bullying or name-calling online, don’t ignore it. Instead, ask your child how it makes them feel and encourage them to think critically about what they are seeing and hearing. These conversations can highlight the difference between what may appear to be rewarded in politics or social media and the very real consequences such behaviour would have in their own school or community.
Another powerful step is to reinforce the core family values you want your child to carry with them. Leadership grounded in respect, empathy, and integrity may not always generate headlines or quick wins, but it does create stronger relationships and healthier communities. Helping your child see the long term value of these qualities provides them with a foundation to stand on, even when the world around them seems to reward the opposite.
Remember, youth and teens are always observing how adults respond to conflict. The way you handle disagreements, criticism, or stressful situations leaves a lasting impression. If you choose to respond with respect rather than ridicule, you are showing your child that there is strength in self-control and dignity in treating others well, even when emotions run high.
We cannot ask our youth to rise above bullying if adults are not willing to hold themselves accountable. If we want young people to believe in the values of empathy and respect, we must model them, even, and especially, when the apparent leader of the free world does not.
As one student reminded us, youth and teens are watching every move we make. The question isn’t whether they notice, it’s what they are learning. For some adults in power, the message they send is clear, they don’t care who gets hurt, as long as they get what they want!
Digital Food For Thought
The White Hatter
Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech
References:
