When Teens See Adults as the Real Bullies - An Inconvenient Truth!

Recently, during one of our sessions, a teen shared a thought that stopped the room cold and elicited applause from his peers. They said:

“You speak about bullying and peer aggression and how it is unacceptable, and that if targeted, adults will be there to help. But, adults are the biggest offenders, especially those in politics who are bullies and peer aggressors, and they’re making lots of money doing it or getting what they want.”

This wasn’t cynicism. It was honesty. It was a young person naming what they see every day in the headlines, on TV, and across their feeds. As we always say, “Kids have a lot to offer us adults, we adults just need to be willing to listen.”

Parents and educators often tell kids that bullying is unacceptable and that kindness should guide their choices. Yet, these same kids watch political debates turn into shouting matches, social media posts filled with name calling, and news clips where grown adults act no better than schoolyard bullies.

Teens are asking the obvious, “How can you tell us not to bully when the adults in charge are rewarded for doing it?”

They see adults, especially politicians, using insults to score points, influencers monetizing outrage, and commentators building careers off aggression. What message does this send? That bullying is only wrong when kids do it? That power gives you a free pass?

When adults model bullying, it undermines the lessons we try to teach kids. It tells them:

• Bullying works — it gets you attention, followers, money, or votes.

• Adults are inconsistent — saying one thing but practicing another.

• Respect is optional — civility becomes the exception, not the norm.

Youth and teens aren’t naive. They know hypocrisy when they see it, and it erodes trust. If they can’t count on adults to live by the same standards they demand of youth, why should they listen?

That teen’s comment should wake us up. Our kids are watching, listening, and learning not only from what we say but from what we do. If they see that adults are the biggest bullies, they’ll either lose faith in us or follow our example.

Parents, caregivers, and educators can’t change the behaviour of every politician or influencer, but we can change how our own families and students navigate it. We can admit the hypocrisy, teach kids to see through it, and most importantly, model something better.

If we want the next generation to understand that bullying is unacceptable, we need to show it through our own actions. Unfortunately, that isn’t happening, which is why we believe both online and offline bullying among youth and teens is going to rise. We hope we are wrong, but everything we see points to this reality.

We agree with this teen’s observation, and it is inconvenient and painful truth; many adults, especially those in positions of power and influence, are failing our kids. Instead of modelling respect and accountability, too many are normalizing the very behaviours they tell young people to avoid. At The White Hatter, we refuse to let this reality discourage us. In fact, it strengthens our resolve. If the adults who should be setting the example won’t step up, then we will work even harder to ensure youth and families have the tools, knowledge, and support they deserve, because our kids are worth it.

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The White Hatter

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