Our Tech Wish This Father’s Day:

CAVEAT - This article isn’t meant to shame dads, or any parent for that matter. It’s about pointing out a real and recurring gap in how digital literacy and internet safety is being handled in many families, particularly when it comes to active involvement from fathers or father figures where one is present. The question we’re asking is, “why does this gap exist, and what can be done to close it?”

At The White Hatter, we’ve spent over 25 years delivering presentations to parents and caregivers across North America on digital literacy, internet safety, and youth online behaviour. One trend we can’t ignore is who consistently shows up, mothers. In most of our sessions, between 85–90% of the adult audience is made up of women. On our facebook page where we have over 33,000 followers, our analytics show that 77% of them are female. Both of these statistics are something that our colleagues from around the world  have experienced as well. While we’re incredibly grateful for the moms, grandmothers, and female caregivers who make the time to engage with this information, it begs the question, “where are the dads?”

The digital world is not a “mom issue.” It’s a co-parenting issue. Just as fathers have historically been encouraged to take active roles in areas like sports, they need to bring that same energy to technology use, online privacy, digital consent, and digital literacy education. These are not “soft topics.” They are needed life skills in today’s onlife world. Youth and teens are navigating complex digital landscapes involving sextortion scams, algorithmic manipulation, peer pressure online, and increasingly AI-influenced media environments. These issues require the attention, guidance, and support of all caregivers and especially fathers.

Even in families where both parents are digitally literate, there’s often an underlying assumption, that the responsibility of monitoring and managing a child’s screen use falls to the mother. This is part of a broader cultural narrative where emotional labour, including digital parenting, is still largely the role of the mother. Tasks like setting screen time limits, checking apps, monitoring device usage, or having tough conversations about sexting or online grooming are often viewed as an extension of day-to-day parenting, which in many households, not all, still defaults to the mom. 

Where fathers do often get involved in their child’s digital life is when something goes wrong, when a child gets caught sending inappropriate messages, accessing adult content, being unkind online, or engaging in risky behaviour. In these moments, many dads are quick to step in as the disciplinarian. They become the hammer, the enforcer, the one who takes the phone away, shuts down the Wi-Fi, or lays down new rules with sharp consequences.

This reactionary role, while sometimes necessary, shouldn’t be the only way fathers show up in their child’s online world. When dads are only present during times of punishment, they risk being seen by their kids as the barrier to tech, rather than a guide through it. This approach can shut down open conversations and make kids less likely to come forward if something is wrong online, especially when they fear only discipline instead of understanding or support.

It also misses the opportunity to build digital resilience together. Youth and teens need adults who help them learn how to use technology responsibly, not just punish them when they don’t. That includes talking about how to handle peer pressure online, why privacy matters, how algorithms work, and what to do when they encounter something upsetting or confusing.

Fathers can play a powerful role here, not as the hammer, but as the builder. Not just enforcing rules, but helping construct the values, critical thinking, and emotional skills kids need to navigate digital life. Kids don’t just need consequences, they need conversations, context, and connection. When fathers step into that space, they don’t just protect their kids from harm, they help prepare them for the road ahead.

This dynamic persists even though many fathers are highly tech-savvy and capable. In some cases, dads might handle the household Wi-Fi, install the apps, or set up the devices, but they disengage when it comes to what really matters such as teaching values, fostering digital critical thinking, and staying in tune with their kids’ online lives. The result is a missed opportunity for fathers to be active participants in shaping how their kids interact with technology, ethically, safely, and thoughtfully.

It’s not uncommon to hear a father say, “My kid’s great with tech, they know more than I do.” This statement often comes with a sense of pride, but it can also reveal a blind spot. There’s a big difference between being good at using technology and being safe with it. Knowing how to navigate social media or install a VPN doesn’t mean a teen understands how an algorithm manipulates their feed, or what to do when they’re targeted by a scammer for sextortion.

Digital literacy isn’t just about technical proficiency. It’s about values, ethics, and resilience. It includes knowing what data is being collected, how to manage privacy settings, when to speak up if something feels off, and how to navigate online relationships and conflicts. When dads mistake skill for safety, they may opt out of important conversations or assume their child “already knows better.” That assumption can create space for real risks to go unnoticed or unaddressed.

There’s no question that many fathers are juggling work, family commitments, and stress. Between job demands, commuting, or shift work, making time to attend a digital safety seminar or sit down for a meaningful conversation about online boundaries can feel low on the priority list.

But here’s an inconvenient truth, mothers are often just as busy carrying the same load. Many are working full-time outside the home too, and/or managing households at the same time, and still showing up at 7:00 p.m. on a Tuesday night for a parent session about digital literacy and internet safety. It's not a matter of having more time, it’s a matter of seeing this issue as urgent and necessary.

Fathers who make the time send a powerful message to their child, "This matters to me. You matter to me." It’s not about perfect attendance. It’s about intentional engagement. Even showing up once in a while can spark conversations that have lasting impact.

Some fathers fall into what we call the “good kid trap.” It’s the belief that because their child is respectful, does well in school, or doesn’t cause trouble, they’re not at risk online. Others brush off modern concerns by comparing them to their own upbringing beliefs such as, “We didn’t have all these safety talks when we were kids, and we turned out fine.”

But the onlife world isn’t the world of pay-phones, landlines, and VCRs. Kids today carry access to the entire world in their pocket. They’re exposed to 24/7 connectivity, live-streaming, algorithmic targeting, deepfake pornography, and real-time peer pressure. The stakes, speed, and consequences are different. 

Assuming your child is immune to online risk because they’re a “good kid” or because you didn’t need digital safety talks in the 80s or 90s is a risky gamble. Every child, regardless of personality or values, is still developing the emotional regulation, decision-making, and foresight required to handle today’s digital challenges. The best protection? A present, informed, and involved parent which includes fathers.

Fathers have a powerful role to play, not just in modelling healthy tech behaviour, but in building trust, setting boundaries, and helping kids navigate the emotional and social complexities of onlife world. When both parents are engaged, kids receive a more unified, consistent message about values, boundaries, and expectations.

In fact, research consistently shows that when both parents are actively involved in conversations about online behaviour, digital ethics, and media use, kids are more likely to report problems, follow boundaries, and practice safer habits. It’s not just about presence, it’s about influence.

Stepping up doesn’t mean becoming a digital expert overnight. It means showing up. It means having conversations, attending presentations, asking questions, and being willing to say, “I don’t know, but let’s learn together.”

It also means being mindful of your own digital habits. Kids watch what we model. Are we present when they’re speaking, or glued to our phones? Are we posting their lives online without consent while telling them to protect their privacy? Digital parenting starts with self-awareness.

Our message to all the dads out there this father’s day, your voice matters, your presence matters. Your kids need to know that you care about their digital lives just as much as you care about their offline ones.

Whether your child is 8 or 18, it’s never too late to step into the conversation. Show up at the next parent night. Ask your kid about their favourite app,  read that article your partner shared, sit in on a digital safety webinar, and ask what digital issues are being discussed at school. Engage!

We can’t expect moms to carry the full weight of onlife parenting. The internet is raising our children right alongside us. It’s time for all of us, especially fathers, to be part of that journey.

Digital Food For Thought

The White Hatter

Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech