When Eye Rolls Become a Validation: Why That’s the Wrong Measure of Success in Digital Literacy & Internet Safety Education

What does it really mean when a digital literacy or internet safety presenter says, “I know I’ve done my job right when parents tell me their kids rolled their eyes because new rules are coming after my presentation”?

The statement often earns laughs and nods from adult audiences who feel validated in setting limits. However, beneath the humour lies a troubling philosophy that runs counter to what effective education, relationship based safety, and meaningful digital literacy are all about.

As digital literacy and internet safety educators who have spent decades speaking to students, parents, and educators across North America, we believe it’s time to challenge the idea that resistance from youth equals success. When a young person rolls their eyes, it’s not proof that the message “hit home”, it’s often a sign that the message didn’t connect.

In any field of education, whether it’s health, mental wellness, or online safety, success is measured by engagement and understanding, not resistance. The “eye roll metric” confuses emotional discomfort with meaningful learning. It mistakes control for connection.

When presenters frame parental control as victory and youth or teen defiance as validation, they reinforce an adversarial dynamic between parents and their children. This mindset may generate short term compliance but rarely leads to long term change. Digital literacy should aim to strengthen family communication and critical thinking, not deepen generational divides.

Research on youth engagement consistently shows that young people are more receptive when they feel respected, heard, and involved in the process. According to Dr. Sonia Livingstone and Dr. Alicia Blum-Ross in their book,“Parenting for a Digital Future” (1), collaborative approaches, where families discuss and co-create rules, lead to healthier digital habits than top down restrictions alone.

While collaboration and open dialogue are essential, parenting still requires setting clear boundaries. As Dr. Livingstone and Dr. Blum-Ross also point out in their book, healthy digital guidance blends trust with structure. Parents and caregivers should aim to be their child’s best parent, not their best friend, when it comes to technology, the internet, and social media. That often means making decisions or enforcing limits that young people “may” sometimes resist or find frustrating. Friction is not failure,  it’s part of growing up and something that needs to be learned. Rules that prioritize safety, balance, and accountability teach responsibility and self-regulation over time, helping youth develop the judgment they will need when parental oversight naturally fades. However, taking the time to sit down and explain “why” those boundaries exist can make a big difference, after all, as the old saying goes, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.

When a youth or teen rolls their eyes at a parent or caregiver after a safety presentation, what they are often expressing isn’t rebellion, it’s frustration. Eye rolls reflect disconnection, not defiance! Many youth and teens feel that adults don’t understand the value, creativity, or social importance of their online lives. They see yet another adult voice painting their generation as “addicted,” “lazy,” or “at risk,” without acknowledging the benefits or nuance of growing up connected.

That reaction shouldn’t be a badge of honour for a presenter, it’s feedback. It’s a sign that the conversation failed to strike balance between risk and opportunity, the very balance that defines genuine digital literacy.

The “Facts Not Fear” approach we use at The White Hatter rejects fear based tactics that rely on shock, guilt, or shame. Such methods may win applause from adults but tend to alienate youth, who quickly tune out what they perceive as exaggerated or moralizing.

Effective digital literacy isn’t about winning an argument, it’s about starting a conversation. It’s about giving parents and caregivers the insight and confidence to guide their children’s digital lives. It’s also about giving youth and teens the age appropriate tools and trust to navigate their online world safely, critically, and responsibly.

When parents and caregivers return home from one of our presentations, our goal isn’t to spark conflict. It’s to spark conversation. We want families to talk with each other, not at each other. We want youth and teens to feel comfortable enough to ask for help when something goes wrong, not afraid of being punished for it.

The “eye roll” shouldn’t be the sign of a job well done. The real mark of success is when a young person leans in and says, “That actually makes sense,” or when a parent or caregiver later tells us, “We had one of the best talks we’ve ever had about technology after your session.”

Presenters who celebrate youth frustration risk perpetuating the same dynamic that often drives online harm, miscommunication, shame, and secrecy. Youth and teens who feel dismissed or misunderstood are less likely to seek adult guidance when facing online challenges like sextortion, cyberbullying, or digital exploitation.

By contrast, programs grounded in education rather than enforcement empower parents, caregivers, youth, and teens. They teach digital citizenship, empathy, and responsibility. They show that while limits matter, mutual respect matters more.

The idea that “kids need to roll their eyes for the message to land” belongs to an outdated era of internet safety education, one that saw young people as the problem rather than part of the solution. Today’s connected world requires a new model, one where parents, caregivers, youth, and teens become allies navigating technology together.

We need to move beyond adversarial metaphors and outdated validation loops. Our role as digital literacy and internet safety educators isn’t to provoke resistance, it’s to inspire reflection. It’s to give both generations the language, tools, and shared understanding to thrive in an “onlife” world where digital and physical experiences are inseparable.

If we’re going to retire the “eye roll badge,” we need to replace it with something better. Instead, presenters can:

• Validated and acknowledging that technology can create both risk and reward.

• Encourage parents and caregivers to Include youth voices or examples to humanize the conversation and show respect for their lived experience.

• Encourage family reflection rather than overnight policy changes, invite parents to discuss boundaries instead of just announcing them after returning home after a parent presentation.

• Encourage parents and caregivers to model balance by demonstrating curiosity about emerging tech, not fear of it.

By using these approaches, presenters can provide parents and caregivers with the tools to build bridges instead of walls with their youth or teen.

If a presentation leaves parents and caregivers feeling empowered but their children feeling misunderstood, then something has gone wrong. Digital literacy that divides generations only deepens the very problems it aims to solve.

The real measure of success isn’t an eye roll, it’s eye contact. It’s the conversation that follows, the curiosity that grows, and the trust that builds when families engage with technology together.

At The White Hatter, that’s the standard we hold ourselves to, not applause lines or punchy one liners, but real change grounded in understanding, respect, and evidence-based research and education!

Digital Food For Thought

The Whit Hatter

Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech

References: 

1/ https://academic.oup.com/book/32086