“When I Was Your Age…” - How Soon We Forget
- The White Hatter
- Jun 8
- 4 min read
Every generation has a moment when it looks at the next and utters a variation of the same phrase: “When I was your age…” It’s a comment that is often meant to inspire, teach, or even guilt, but more often than not, it gets met with an eye-roll, a sigh, or an internal monologue from a teen that sounds something like, “Here we go again…”
Truthfully, they are not wrong to roll their eyes because while we, as adults, might be trying to share wisdom or contrast our upbringing with theirs, what often comes across is judgment and disconnect.
When I was a teen over 45 years ago, my parents used to say the same things to me. “When I was your age, we didn’t sit around watching TV all day.” or, “We talked to each other instead of spending hours on the phone.” Back then, our family’s rotary home phone, which had a cord and was shared by everyone in the house, (ah the good old days) was the technological battleground of the time, and TV was the thing my parents told me would rot my brain. Sound familiar?
Today, it’s smartphones, gaming consoles, and social media. The tools may have changed, but the generational push-pull around technology is timeless. Every era sees new inventions that disrupt communication and culture, and every era sees parents struggle to understand the tools their kids embrace.
It’s easy to get swept up in nostalgia. As adults, we remember riding our bikes until the streetlights came on, hanging out at the mall, or talking to our friends on the landline for hours. These memories feel warm, simple, and safe.
However, nostalgia has a blind spot. It often filters out the boredom, the loneliness, the limitations, and yes, even the dangers, that were present back then too. What we remember fondly isn’t necessarily what was better. It was just what was normal at the time.
To our kids, those “warm and fuzzy” stories often feel irrelevant or condescending. They might even interpret them as a sign that we’re not interested in understanding the world they are growing up in, a world that is profoundly shaped by the digital tools they use daily.
When we compare our childhoods to our children’s through the lens of technology, we often make two critical errors:
We assume our way was better.
We ignore how the world has changed.
The truth is, today’s youth are growing up in a completely different social environment. Their friendships are often hybrid, a mix of in-person and digital. Their sense of identity is partly shaped by their online presence, and their access to information is nearly infinite.
Rather than saying, “When I was your age…”, what if we asked instead, “What’s it like for you right now?” That simple shift opens the door to conversation rather than comparison. It signals that we’re curious, not critical.
So how do we move forward as parents and caregivers in a world where our children’s lives are shaped by technology and digital culture? It begins with acknowledging that their experience of growing up is fundamentally different from ours. That doesn’t make it better or worse, it just makes it different. The pressures they face, the tools they use, and the culture they are immersed in are not what we knew at their age. Trying to force our past onto their present often only deepens the generational divide. Recognizing and validating this difference is the first step in building a bridge, not a barrier.
We must make a conscious effort to bridge the gap through genuine curiosity rather than criticism. Take an interest in their world, and ask them about the games they enjoy, the influencers they admire, or the apps and platforms they spend time on. You don’t have to love what they love or even fully understand it. What matters is that you show an authentic willingness to engage. This kind of curiosity builds connection, shows respect, and fosters trust. It sends a powerful message: “Your world matters to me.”
When we share our own stories from the past, it’s important to do so with intention. Share your memories as a way of connecting, not correcting. Let your stories be about creating common ground rather than setting expectations. A nostalgic anecdote can be a great tool for bonding, as long as it doesn’t carry the hidden message, “This is how you should be.” When we trade lectures for listening and comparisons for conversation, we open the door to deeper relationships and greater mutual understanding.
Yes, times have changed. Technology has transformed how we connect, communicate, and create. But one thing hasn’t changed, our kids still want to be understood. They want to feel like their world matters to the adults who care for them much like we did when we their age.
So the next time you feel the urge to say, “When I was your age…”, take a breath. Then try, “Tell me more about what that’s like for you.” It’s amazing how much more you’ll learn, and how much closer you’ll feel.
Let’s lead not with judgment, but with curiosity. Because while the tools have changed, the need for connection hasn’t.
Digital Food For Thought
The White Hatter
Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech
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