Is My Child Really “Addicted” to Video Games and Social Media?

Caveat - This article was prompted by a recent webinar with Dr. Rachel Kowert, a Canadian PhD research psychologist, award-winning author, and globally well respected and recognized expert whose evidence based data-driven work on mental health and digital games has informed policy for more than 15 years. We also want to thank Dr. Kowert for reviewing this article to ensure that we correctly represented what she had to share in her webinar.

Few words trigger parental alarm faster than “addiction”. When a child seems glued to a screen, missing sleep, withdrawing from family time, or becoming irritable when asked to stop playing or using their phone, many parents understandably jump to the same conclusion, “this must be an addiction.” The concern is real, however, the label is often misunderstood  according to Dr Kowert.

For years, the term “gaming addiction” has been used casually to describe kids who play a lot. What it usually means is frequency or intensity, not a medical diagnosis. From a psychological standpoint, those distinctions matter, because how we define the problem determines how we respond to it.

In North America, mental health professionals use a diagnostic guide called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). This manual sets the criteria for recognized mental health disorders. As of now, the only officially recognized behavioural addiction in the DSM is gambling disorder. Gaming or social media used does not hold the same classification.

According the Dr Kowert, when researchers attempted to apply gambling style addiction criteria to gaming, an important flaw emerged. If you simply replace the word gaming with other engaging activities like exercising, reading, or training for a sport, many people would also meet the criteria. That tells us the framework itself lacks precision when applied to gaming and social media. In short, playing a lot is not the same as being addicted.

According to Dr Kowert, one of the strongest indicators of addiction is chronicity. Traditional addictions tend to remain stable over time. If someone struggles with alcoholism, for example, the underlying issue does not simply disappear months later without intervention. Gaming and tech use does not follow this pattern.

What research consistently shows is that problematic gaming is episodic. A young person may meet the criteria at one point but not six months later. From a psychological perspective, Dr Kowert shares that this tells us something important, the behaviour is often responding to a temporary need rather than a permanent disorder. In these cases, gaming functions as a coping strategy. That coping strategy may become excessive or unhealthy, but it is rarely the root problem. More often, it is a signal pointing toward something else happening beneath the surface.

What Dr Kowert shared is that when a child is playing games to the point where it interferes with daily life, it is worth asking not just how much they are playing, but why.

According to Dr Kowert, common underlying factors may include:

• Anxiety or chronic stress

• Depression or low mood

• Social isolation or bullying

• Low self-esteem

• Academic pressure

• Difficulty regulating emotions

Games can offer relief, predictability, achievement, social connection, or escape. Those needs are not inherently bad. The concern arises when gaming becomes the only tool a young person feels they have to manage them. Seen this way,  Dr Kowert argues that gaming is not the disease, it’s  the coping mechanism.

When parents focus exclusively on eliminating gaming, technology, or social media they often miss the more important opportunity, understanding what their child is trying to regulate or escape.

This does not mean ignoring limits, routines, or expectations. Boundaries still matter. Sleep, school, physical health, and offline relationships all matter. What it does mean is that removing games, social media, or technology without addressing the underlying need often leads to conflict, secrecy, or replacement behaviours rather than long-term improvement.

Mental health professionals approach this the same way. When a child is brought in for what parents call “gaming addiction,” Dr Kowert shared that treatment does not focus on games as the primary problem. The focus is on anxiety, depression, stress, or emotional regulation. As those issues improve, gaming behaviour and the use of technology often becomes more balanced on its own.

Instead of asking, “How do I stop my child from gaming so much?” Dr Kowert suggests that a more productive question might be:

“What is my child getting from gaming right now that they are not getting elsewhere?”

That shift changes the conversation from punishment to understanding, from fear to problem solving.

Problematic gaming can absolutely become unhealthy. It can interfere with sleep, learning, and relationships. Parents are right to pay attention. The evidence simply tells us that labeling it as an addiction too quickly can lead us away from the real issue.

When we treat the signal rather than the source, we miss the chance to help our kids build healthier ways to cope, connect, and regulate their emotions. Understanding that difference does not minimize risk. It strengthens our response.

For those who want to know more about what the good evidence based research has to say about online gaming, check out Dr Kowert’s website https://rkowert.com/psychgeist/ and her YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/psychgeist 

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