Are We Ready to Be the Example Our Kids Are Watching When It Comes to Technology?

When conversations about kids, teens, and technology come up, the focus almost always lands on them. How long they are on their devices, what apps they use, which rules should be added, tightened, or enforced. What often gets overlooked is the example parents and caregivers are setting every day with the use of our technology.

Parents and caregivers cannot meaningfully talk about screen overuse without first taking an honest look at their own relationship with their phone. Digital literacy is not only something we teach as parents and caregivers, it’s something we model, often without realizing it.

Youth and teens are paying attention all the time. They may not comment on it, but they notice patterns. This is something we hear directly from young people in our work. One of the most misunderstood aspects of adolescence is how learning actually happens. Youth and teens do listen to adults, but observation often carries far more weight than instruction.

A youth or teen might nod along during a conversation about balance or focus. However, what truly shapes their behaviour is what they see repeated day after day by the adults around them.

What they absorb in these moments goes far beyond technology use. They are learning what gets priority, how available adults are emotionally, and whether real connection can be interrupted without consequence.

These lessons show up in the ordinary moments. Dinner conversations are interrupted by alerts and vibrations of a parent or caregiver’s phone. A child’s story is only partly heard because attention shifts to a parent or caregiver scrolling their feed. A shared car ride becomes quiet, not because there is nothing to say, but because the parent or caregiver is absorbed in their own screen. Even moments of calm or silence are quickly filled with a phone, as if stillness itself feels uncomfortable, or missing a child’s sporting achievement altogether because attention was on the phone instead of on the child, fully engaged in their game.

None of these moments feel dramatic on their own. However, taken together, they send a powerful message. They suggest that attention is conditional, presence is negotiable, and connection competes with convenience. Youth and teens internalize this long before they can explain it. No lecture is needed, the lesson is delivered quietly.

Many parents and caregivers feel frustrated when youth and teens resist screen limits. What often goes unspoken is that limits feel empty when they are not reflected in adult behaviour.

Being told to put a phone away while watching a parent or caregiver scroll during dinner sends mixed signals. Being asked to log off while adults answer work messages late into the night teaches that boundaries apply differently depending on age, which they can, but when it comes to spending time with our kids, only in exigent circumstances.

This does not make parents or caregivers bad or hypocritical, it makes them human. However, it does highlight why rule setting without self reflection rarely works. Limits carry more weight when they are shared, not imposed.

Modelling good digital literacy does not mean eliminating phones or pretending technology is not necessary, rather it means being intentional.

It means noticing when a phone is being used as a tool versus when it has become a reflex. It means recognizing when distraction is creeping into moments that deserve our attention as a parent or caregiver.

Youth and teens do not need perfect role models, they need honest ones. Parents and caregivers who can say, “I struggle with this too, and I am working on it,” build more trust than adults who pretend they have it all figured out.

The real challenge is not taking screens away from youth and teens, the harder work is reclaiming adult presence such as:

• Protecting spaces where phones do not dominate.

• Modelling boundaries that make sense in a connected world.

• Showing that listening, attention, and stillness still matter.

When parents and caregivers change how they relate to technology, youth and teens notice. Not because they are told to, but because example is the most powerful teacher in the room.

Before asking youth and teens to change how they use their devices, it is worth asking a more uncomfortable question, “Are we ready to be the example they are already watching?”

Digital Food For Thought

The White Hatter

Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech