Are We Listening to the Right Voices? Rethinking the Narrative Around Youth and Tech

We need to rethink the way we talk about youth and teens and their use of  technology, the internet, and social media. Instead of defaulting to bans or delays based on worst-case scenarios, we should be focused on how to guide young people through their digital lives with support, education, and trust. Conversations about social media and smartphones are often dominated by fear, but those fears rarely reflect the full picture, and they almost never include the perspectives of the youth who are most affected. 

More and more public discussions, both online and offline, are portraying today’s youth and teens as overwhelmed by technology, often using adjectives to describe them as lost, damaged, addicted, anxious, or helpless. In response, calls to ban or delay access to social media and smartphones until a certain age are getting louder, especially from those who believe these tools are the main source of harm. However, there’s a key problem with this narrative, youth and teens, the ones who will feel the effects of these policies the most, are rarely invited into the conversation.

It’s time to ask whether this narrative truly reflects what’s happening in young people’s lives or whether it’s being shaped more by adult fears than youth realities.

Yes, some young people do struggle. That’s true of any group interacting with a powerful tool. But the answer isn’t to remove the tool altogether. Just as we don’t ban books because some readers find certain content upsetting, (although there are some attempts by special interest groups in Canada and the United States to do so) we shouldn’t rush to ban or delay technology use across the board. Most young people are not lost in the digital world. Many are managing their online lives with increasing awareness and independence, especially when the adults around them provide consistent support. This is one reason we often quote Dr Pete Etchells who stated, 

“So instead of asking, does social media use cause mental health issues? perhaps a better question might be: why do some people prosper online while others get into real difficulty?”

Teenagers, in particular, are using social media to build identity, connect with friends, and stay informed. They’re learning how to set boundaries, block unwanted messages, and manage their screen use, often without being told. These aren’t signs of helplessness. They’re signs of growing digital maturity.

It’s important to recognize that developmental stages matter. What’s appropriate for a 17 year old isn’t the same as what’s appropriate for a 10 year old. However, the solution isn’t simply to withhold access, it’s to provide age and developmentally appropriate scaffolding. Younger children need more structure and guidance, while older teens need more room to practice responsible independence.

One of the most overlooked problems in today’s public discussions is that adults, whether parents, teachers, or policymakers, tend to speak about youth instead of with them. This reinforces the belief that young people aren’t capable of contributing to conversations about their own digital lives. In our experience, that’s just not true. When asked how to make online spaces safer or more meaningful, teens often bring forward thoughtful, practical ideas. They don't ignore risks, but they rarely suggest banning tech as the answer. They want better tools, clearer guidance, and more trust and agency.

Youth and teens aren’t born knowing how to navigate the digital world, one reason why we don’t like or use the term “digital natives”. It’s our job as parents, caregivers, and educators, to teach them, by helping young people develop digital literacy, manage their online identity, and recognize misinformation is far more effective than simply telling them what not to do.

A phone ban might remove a risk, but it also removes a learning opportunity. Delaying access without teaching responsible use leaves kids less prepared when they eventually do get access, which we guarantee you, they will.

Here’s something rarely discussed, no policy or ban will succeed if the adults around a child don’t model the same expectations. If a school enforces a phone-free classroom, but teachers check their devices mid-lesson, it sends a conflicting message. The same goes for schools that restrict tech use but fail to offer any meaningful digital literacy education. What are we really teaching in those moments? That technology is dangerous? That kids can’t be trusted? Or that it’s easier to impose limits than it is to provide mentorship?

Instead of asking, “How do we keep kids away from tech?” we should be asking, “How do we prepare them for it?”

We don’t need to protect kids from technology by shutting it out. We need to empower them to use it with confidence. Most youth are more than capable of doing so, when the adults in their lives walk beside them, not ahead or above them.

Let’s stop telling one-sided stories about damaged kids and start amplifying the voices of youth who are learning, adapting, and thriving in digital spaces. These youth aren’t the outliers, they’re the norm. We adults just need to start listening.

Digital Food For Thought

The White Hatter

Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech