Why Promoting A “You Can’t Keep Up To Technology” Message To Parents & Caregivers Is Less Than Desirable.

What many of our followers may not know is that not only did Darren retire from policing as a Staff Sergeant after 30 years of service, but he is also a certified clinical hypnotherapist with a Master’s designation in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). It’s a field of communication that explores how the neurology (brain and nervous system), language (words and patterns of speech), and programming (learned behavioural patterns) interact to shape how people think, feel, and behave. In simpler terms, NLP studies how language affects our thoughts and actions. It’s often used in communication, education, coaching, and therapy to help people shift mindsets, build rapport, and improve learning or motivation.

If we had one wish for some of our colleagues in the profession of digital literacy and internet safety education, STOP saying to parents and caregivers, “You can’t keep up” when it comes to their kids use of technology, the internet, and social media. From a NLP perspective, such a statement is counterproductive because it triggers emotional and cognitive reactions that shut down openness to learning and here’s why:

1. Language shapes internal states

NLP suggests that words influence mental framing. The phrase “you can’t keep up” implies incapability and loss of control. For parents and caregivers, this activates a threat response which often promotes defensiveness, shame, or self-doubt, rather than curiosity or engagement, making constructive discussions surrounding digital literacy and internet safety more difficult.

2. Identity level resistance

NLP theory identifies “identity statements” (e.g., you can’t) as especially powerful. They suggest something about who a person is rather than what they do. When parents hear “you can’t keep up,” it attacks their competence as caregivers. People tend to defend their identity rather than reflect on it, which can cause them to reject useful information about technology rather than absorb it.

3. Learned helplessness framing

Repeated exposure to messages of inadequacy fosters learned helplessness, a belief that catching up or learning new skills is futile. Parents and caregivers who internalize this framing may disengage from guiding their child online, unintentionally leaving them more vulnerable.

Replacing deficit based language with empowerment framing, such as “Technology changes fast, but parents can absolutely learn what matters most to keep their kids safer and informed” shifts the emotional tone. It activates confidence, curiosity, and self-efficacy, all of which promote learning and collaboration. This is something that digital literacy and internet safety advocates should be harnessing and using to their advantage when educating parents, caregivers, educators, and even youth and teens. You will never hear us say to a parent, youth, or teen, “Try it again” Why? because the word try means “failure.” This is why Nike’s slogan, “Just Do It” is so powerful from an NLP perspective.

Another NLP trick we use is to reframe “you can’t…..” which suggests incapability and loss of control, to “See if you can’t” , which is a challenge to the subconscious brain.  As an example. “See if you cant learn learn what matters most to keep your kids safer and more informed in today’s online world”

In short, saying “you can’t keep up” from a “suggestibility” perspective primes resistance and defeat, while empowering language primes openness and action and creates a challenge, which is the key to meaningful parent and caregiver digital literacy education and engagement.

This is why picking the right presenter is so important when it comes to the message of digital literacy and internet safety. Language and words matter when it comes to creating positive and more desirable change!

Digital Food For Thought

The White Hatter

Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Not Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech