Why Dismissing Parental Responsibility Helps No One: Our Message To Today’s Parents and Caregivers
- The White Hatter
- Aug 5
- 3 min read
When something goes wrong online, a risky post, a sextortion case, a bullying incident, or something worse, the question that often surfaces is, “Where were the parents or caregivers?” It’s a tough one, as many parents and caregivers are doing their best, and such a question can sometimes feel like a slap in the face. After all, most of us are doing our best, setting limits, having conversations, installing safety apps, reading the headlines.
However, recently, there has been a noticeable shift in the narrative by some youth and safety advocates. In response to the blame game, some voices are now saying, “No parent or caregiver can compete with technology.” The message? That tech is too big, too fast, and too complex for families to manage or compete with. This message implies that youth and teens are basically on their own in a digital world designed to manipulate them, and parents have little they can do to combat and protect their child from the tech overlords.
While that view may come from a place of empathy, it sends the wrong message. The hard truth is, dismissing parental or caregiver “responsibility” helps no one, especially not our kids.
There’s no denying that technology today is different from what most of us grew up with. It’s immersive, relentless, and often designed to keep kids and adults engaged for as long as possible. Apps are engineered to reward scrolling, platforms profit from attention, and content can be sometimes more disturbing than educational.
However, that doesn’t mean parents and caregivers are irrelevant or have no responsibility or skin in the game. In fact, the opposite is true. As child safety advocate and child psychologist Catherine Knibbs stated in her new book Tech-Smart Parenting: How to Keep Your kids Happy and Safe, “Your connection with your child will be your superpower in protecting them from harm” We here at the White Hatter agree with this statement 100%!
When parents and caregivers stay involved, asking questions, setting expectations, and being present, youth and teens are more likely to make safer, healthier decisions online. According to the good academic evidence based research, youth and teens who regularly talk with their parents or caregivers about their tech and internet use, are less likely to encounter online threats or engage in risky digital behaviour. (1)(2) The conversation is important, but what matters even more is you, the parent or caregiver, and the connection you have with your child.
Let’s be honest, yes, it’s challenging to outsmart social media algorithms, or keep up with every new app our kids try. Technology is going to continue to morph and evolve especially when it comes to the integration of artificial intelligence. However, digital parenting isn’t about controlling every click, or banning a youth or teen from technology until a certain age, it’s about guiding how kids think, feel, and act online. It’s about modelling what respect, privacy, and empathy look like in the onlife world.
This means asking and not just checking, listening and not just lecturing, and creating a home environment where your child feels safe coming to you before or after something goes wrong.
Telling parents and caregivers they can’t compete with tech may sound compassionate, especially after a tragedy, but from a psychological perspective, it risks promoting learned helplessness, a mindset where individuals believe their actions have no impact, even when they do. This kind of disempowerment messaging can make families feel that their guidance is irrelevant, leading them to disengage from conversations and boundaries around technology.
While the intention of such messaging might be to validate how hard parenting is in today’s onlife world, it can unintentionally encourage passivity, sending the message that tech is too powerful to challenge. In reality, and as mentioned earlier, research shows that ongoing parental involvement remains one of the most effective ways to help young people navigate the online world.
This article isn’t about guilt, it’s about grounding ourselves in reality. Parents and caregivers are not only the most important line of defence, but they are the first and most important line. When we step back, youth and teens step into an onlife world without enough guidance. However, when we lean in, with compassion, curiosity, and clarity, we make the onlife world just a little safer for them to explore.
The truth is, your presence and voice still matters! Your responsibility as a parent or caregiver is to stay connected, stay informed, and stay available, and is the most powerful tool and protection strategy your youth or teen has in today’s onlife world. Do not believe those who say that parents and caregivers can’t compete with big tech, we can, and many are doing just that, and we are here to help if needed!
Digital Food For Thought
The White Hatter
Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech
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