What One Grade 11 Student Shared With Us About Tech, TikTok, and Teen Sexting: A Three-Part Conversation Parents Need to Hear

CAVEAT - The insights shared in this article reflect the perspective of one teen and what they observe among their peer group at school this past school year when it came to technology, the internet, and social media.

At The White Hatter, we spend a lot of time listening to youth and teens. We believe that when it comes to understanding how teens use technology, the best insights often come directly from youth and teens themselves. Recently, we sat down with a Grade 11 student for a two hour open conversation about their experiences with technology, social media, and digital relationships this past school year. What they shared with us was thoughtful, honest, and incredibly valuable, especially for parents and caregivers trying to make sense of how today’s teens engage with their technology.

Over the next few sections, we’re going to share with you what we learned. From how teens are curating their TikTok feeds with intention, to how their relationship with social media evolves over time, to the realities of youth sexting behaviour, it’s a window into digital life through the eyes of someone living it every day.

Part 1: The TikTok Attention Span Myth

You've probably heard it before, “Teens can’t focus. Just look at how fast they scroll through TikTok.” But according to the Grade 11 student we spoke with, that interpretation misses the point entirely.

This teen shared with us that teens scroll quickly not because they’re distracted or disengaged, but because they understand how the TikTok algorithm works. They’ve learned that if they pause too long on a video, even one they’re not really interested in, the algorithm will interpret that as a sign of interest and push more similar content. To avoid this, they swipe past quickly, maintaining control over what shows up in their feed.

This isn’t a lack of focus. It’s a strategy. It’s digital self-management in an attempt to hack the algorithm.

This teen and their peers know their attention is being tracked and treated as data. They’ve adapted by learning how to game the system. When they do slow down, it’s because a video has genuinely caught their attention, whether it’s funny, emotional, informative, or personally relatable.

This teen’s recommendation to parents and caregivers, instead of assuming short attention spans, we should be asking more thoughtful questions like:

• What kind of content holds their interest?

• What are they choosing to ignore?

• How can we support them in becoming even more intentional in their media consumption?

Understanding how teens use these platforms to filter, not just consume, is key to helping them grow their digital literacy. It’s a skill worth recognizing, not something to criticize.

Part 2: From Performance to Purpose, How Teen Tech Use Evolves

When we asked this teen about their earlier relationship with social media, they didn’t hold back. In middle school, it was all about attention such as likes, comments, and followers. They admitted that their posts were crafted to get noticed, using filters and curated captions to present a polished version of themselves. It wasn’t fake, but it was performance-driven. They were learning who they were, how they wanted to be seen, and what social approval looked like in a digital space.

Now, as they enter Grade 11, things have shifted.

What mattered in middle school such as likes, aesthetics, and popularity, now holds far less weight. Today, this teen uses social media more purposefully stating they use it to stay in touch with close friends, follow hobbies and interests, and explore ideas that matter to them. The performance aspect has faded. What’s taken its place is a focus on authenticity, intention, and connection.

Their peer group, they explained, has followed a similar path. Group chats, messaging apps, and private story sharing have become the main way they communicate. It’s less about being seen by everyone and more about being known by the few people who actually matter.

This kind of shift is important. It reminds us that teens grow not only socially and emotionally, but digitally too. Their digital behaviour matures with them, if we give them the space, trust, and guidance to do so.

Part 3: Youth Sexting

Of all the topics we discussed, this one was perhaps the most complex specific to how teens today approach the sharing of intimate images.

The teen we spoke with was clear about one thing, not all nudes are the same, and not all are shared for the same reasons, and contrary to what many parents , caregivers, and the media believe, not all teens are sending nudes .

In their view, most nudes shared among teens happen within the context of a relationship, usually after some form of in-person sexual intimacy has already occurred. For many, it’s an extension of that relationship, not the start of it. This marks a shift from what we've heard in years past, where teens would often send nudes to test the waters, spark interest, or establish trust before any kind of in-person physical intimacy. According to this student, today’s teens have become more cautious. They’ve seen how things can go wrong, and they’re adjusting their behaviour accordingly.

They also shared that teens who do send nudes are often trying to reduce risk by cropping out faces or avoiding identifiable details. While these actions don’t eliminate risk, they do show a growing awareness about digital permanence, privacy, and harm reduction.

However, not all image-sharing is consensual or relationship-based. The student spoke openly about unsolicited genital pictures, common called “dick pics”, sent by some boys to multiple girls at their school. Far from being seen as cool, this behaviour is often ridiculed. Those who send them are quickly labeled as “weird” or “creepy” by peers and often face social backlash from both girls and boys at the school.

On the flip side, some girls, especial those who move from boyfriend to boyfriend, may send revealing photos like “titpics” in hopes of sparking a relationship. This behaviour, they explained, is often tied to how digital culture sometimes rewards sexual expression or treats it as expected.

The student also pointed to messages like “So, are you a freak?”, a phrase commonly used by boys to signal they’re fishing for sexual content. Most of their friends recognize this for what it is and delete these messages immediately. They know it’s not about a meaningful relationship, it’s only about sharing sexualized content.

One thing that stood out during our conversation was the normalization of some behaviours that are, legally speaking, concerning. For example, this teen shared that mooning, when boys pull down their pants as a joke, is becoming very popular and is often brushed off by peers, even though it's technically a form of exposure. There’s a concerning disconnect between what’s considered inappropriate, what’s socially acceptable, and what’s actually illegal.

Despite their awareness of risk and social consequence, this teen admitted that many of their peers don’t fully understand the legal implications of sharing or receiving non-consensual explicit or intimate images, especially when everyone involved is under 18. Terms like “consent,” “non-consensual image sharing,” and “child sexual abuse material” are still fuzzy concepts for many. This highlights a clear need for education, not just on the social side of sexting, but the legal and ethical consequences too.

This Grade 11 student gave us a rare and honest look into what it means to grow up with technology. They weren’t just what some call a “digital native”, they were a digital strategist, a communicator, a relationship navigator, and someone trying to make thoughtful choices in a complex onlife world.

Teens have a lot to teach us, if we’re willing to ask the right questions and actually listen.

At The White Hatter, we continue to believe that education should be rooted in facts, not fear. That includes having real conversations with the very people we’re trying to protect. Thanks again to the student who gave us over two hours of their time and perspective.

Digital Food For Thought

The White Hatter

Facts Not Fear. Facts Not Emotion. Enlighten, Not Frighten. Know Tech, Not No Tech.