If We Rule Out Sleep Overs, What About Team Trips and Summer Camp? Moving From “No” To “Yes”
CAVEAT - Sleep overs can give children and youth valuable opportunities to build friendships, develop confidence, and gain independence. For parents and caregivers, these experiences can bring both excitement and understandable concerns about their child’s safety and well being.
We wrote this article in response to advice we’ve encountered more frequently online from some digital literacy and online safety advocates who recommend that parents and caregivers rule out overnight sleep overs at friend’s homes. We absolutely agree that sleep over concerns deserve attention. Even when a young person leaves their phone at home, they may still be exposed to concerning content on someone else’s device. Cameras or monitors may compromise their privacy in spaces where they sleep, shower, or change, and they could also face a risk of sexual exploitation by someone in the home be it one of their friends or from someone else in the home.
Whenever children spend the night away from home, families rely on other adults to supervise and respond if something goes wrong. If the mere possibility of something going wrong is enough to rule out sleep overs, then the same reasoning should apply to overnight team trips and sleep away camps. Yes, the arrangements can differ considerably, a camp may have written policies, designated staff, and a clear way for children to report a concern, where a sleep over may depend on one household. You might reasonably say yes to one and no to the other based on the supervision and safeguards you can verify, what your child stands to gain, and whether they want to go. We’d use those same criteria for a friend’s house, a team hotel, or a cabin at camp.
What A Young Person Can Gain
A sleep over can give a young person unhurried time with a friend, talking after lights out, waking up in another household, and sharing breakfast can give them time together that’s hard to fit into a busy school week. It can also give them a chance to make small decisions away from home, from asking the host for something they need to speaking up when they would rather do something else.
Developmental research supports the broader value of close friendships and gradually increasing independence. A “supervised” sleep over is one setting where young people can have those experiences. An evening visit, a late pickup, and an overnight stay each offer a different degree of independence. The right step depends on the young person’s readiness and what they want to try.
In our article, “The Gift of Friction”, we wrote about the value of manageable independent challenges when young people have support (1). At a sleep over, that might mean working through a disagreement with a friend or asking to call home when an unfamiliar bedtime feels harder than expected. For one young person, a reassuring call may be enough to settle in. Another may decide they’re ready to go home, and both are opportunities to notice what they need and ask for it.
Being secretly recorded, pressured to view explicit content, or made to feel unsafe calls for adult help. Adults are responsible for protecting privacy, responding when a young person asks for help, and making sure they can leave. So what can we do as parents and caregivers to reduce the risks:
1/ Visit the home first. Before agreeing to a sleep over, we recommend meeting the parent or caregiver at their home. It gives you a chance to see where your child will be staying, meet the adult who’ll be supervising. Pay attention to how you feel during the visit. If something feels off, give yourself permission to say no. If the host is unwilling to meet with you at their home, we would consider this a “red flag”, and therefore recommend declining the overnight stay.
2/ Start with the arrangements.
Speak directly with the adult who’ll be there. Ask who’s supervising, who else will be present, including older siblings, extended relatives, or visitors and where the young people will sleep. If the children are invited to another home or the person supervising changes, ask the host to call you first. For a team trip or camp, find out who’s responsible overnight and how the organization handles concerns.
3/ Ask what the adults can realistically supervise. Find out what devices young people can bring, whether screens stay in shared spaces, and what happens at bedtime. Shared space rules can make it easier for adults to notice what’s happening. A young person should also know they can step away and call home if someone shows them something upsetting. Make clear that they can tell you what happened without getting in trouble.
4/ Ask directly about recording.
Ask the question, “Are there any cameras, monitors, or other devices that can watch, listen to, or record the kids where they’ll sleep, use the bathroom, or change?” A clear answer about those spaces is a condition we’d set before agreeing to an overnight stay. We’d consider that answer alongside what we know about the adults and the setting. If the arrangements are unclear or the host can’t provide a private space, we’d decline. We’d ask the same questions of a coach or camp director.
NOTE: We believe steps 1, 2, 3, and 4 serve a preventive purpose. By asking directly about supervision, devices, and privacy, you show the adults responsible that you understand the potential risks and have clear expectations for your child’s safety. That conversation may also have a deterrent effect. It signals that you’re paying attention, that you expect to be told if plans change, and that your child knows they can reach you if something feels wrong. If a parent or caregiver dismisses your questions or responds defensively, for example, “You’re being overprotective; there’s no need to discuss this”, take that response seriously. It doesn’t necessarily mean their home is unsafe, but their willingness to discuss safety and respect your family’s boundaries matters. If your concerns remain unresolved, it’s okay to politely decline the sleep over or suggest a daytime visit instead. You don’t need to prove something is wrong to decide that an arrangement isn’t right for your child.
5/ Disclose medical needs early: Provide the host parents with clear information regarding food allergies, required medications, or conditions like sleepwalking or bedwetting.
6/ Give your child a choice and a way home” Ask privately, before anyone expects an answer. “Would you like to stay the night, or would you rather I pick you up after the movie?” That gives your child two ways to join in without having to explain their choice to friends. They can also change their mind after they arrive.
7/ Plan a mandatory check-in: Arrange a specific time during the evening for a quick phone call or text exchange to gauge how your child is doing.
8/ Reinforce Consent: Teach your child that they always have the right to say “no” to activities at any point, even if it’s after they’ve arrived. Teach your child about boundaries and how to confidentially establish and communicate boundaries and to respect other’s boundaries. Ensure that they understand the importance of immediately expressing discomfort and reinforce that they are never at fault or to blame for other’s inappropriate actions
9/ Debrief after the event: When your child returns home, ask open-ended questions about their favorite and least favorite parts of the night to comfortably assess how the sleep over went.
For a local sleep over, agree on who can pick them up and what phone they can use if theirs dies or devices are put away. A phrase like “Can you bring my sweater?” can mean “Please come get me.” Follow through if they use it, you can talk privately later to figure out the “why.” They do not need to wait until something feels seriously wrong to ask to come home. Missing you, feeling tired, or simply deciding they would rather leave is enough. Make sure they know how to reach you and what will happen when they do, and that you will listen, help them leave if they want to, and respond without blame or punishment.
For a team trip or camp farther away, make the plan with the organizers before your child leaves. Identify two adults your child can approach, so they have another option if they’re uncomfortable speaking to the first. Confirm how they can call you privately, where they can wait safely with a trusted adult, and who can arrange transport if you can’t get there quickly.
Children love playing games, laughing, and spending time with friends, and for many, that includes sleep overs or slumber parties. Deciding whether your child is ready to stay overnight at someone else’s home, and whether they will be safe and comfortable there, can be challenging for some parents and caregivers. As parents and caregivers, we play an important role in helping children navigate these experiences safely. Some invitations are worth declining, others might be a good fit for dinner and a movie, with a ride home before bedtime. When your child wants to stay, you’re comfortable with the supervision and privacy arrangements, and they know how to reach you and get home if they need to, saying yes can give them unhurried time with a friend and a chance to practise being away from home while knowing they can count on you.
Deciding whether to participate in sleep overs is a personal choice. Each family will approach that decision with different values, experiences, circumstances, and considerations about their child’s readiness. Some families are comfortable with overnight visits, some agree to them under certain conditions, and others choose different ways for their children to spend time with friends. There is no single choice that every family needs to make, and no family should feel pressured to explain or defend its boundaries.
Talk with your child about these differences in a way that encourages understanding and respect. A friend’s family may have rules that differ from yours, and those rules are not an invitation to tease, negotiate, or pressure someone to participate. Help your child understand that declining a sleep over is not a rejection of a friendship.
Remember, sleep overs are one of many ways children can develop confidence, practise independence, and strengthen friendships. If your family chooses to participate, the goal is to make a thoughtful decision, ask clear questions, and create a plan that supports your child’s safety and comfort. Preparation matters, and so does having adults who will listen and respond when a child needs help.
Your child’s willingness to attend matters alongside your confidence in the arrangements. Being ready for one sleep over does not mean being ready for every sleep over, and agreeing to attend does not create an obligation to stay. Revisit the plan whenever circumstances change, and make room for your child to tell you how they feel privately, without pressure from friends or other adults.
Finally, give yourself permission to say "yes", “not yet,” “we need more information,” or “this doesn’t work for our family.” You can pause, ask further questions, or choose another way for your child to connect with friends. A thoughtful decision is one that reflects your child’s needs and your family’s boundaries, and leaves space to reconsider both as those needs change.
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