Online Dating

TEACHING OLDER TEENS HOW TO BE THEIR OWN ONLINE DETECTIVE

Many of us are familiar with the term “catfishing,” which was popularized by the 2010 documentary Catfish. Catfishing refers to the act of creating a false online identity—or even an entire fake social network—to deceive others into emotional or romantic relationships. The motives can range from financial gain, manipulation, or harassment, to simply trolling for personal gratification. In 2019, the U.S. Federal Trade Commission reported losses exceeding $200 million due to romance scams.

In today’s online world, where teens are actively shaping their identities and sense of self, it’s no surprise that many turn to technology to explore relationships, dating, and intimacy. A 2021 survey from the dating app Bumble found that 91% of respondents felt there was no longer a stigma attached to meeting someone through a dating app (source).

Unfortunately, we’ve helped both teens and adults who have fallen victim to online catfishing via dating apps. So, we’ve dedicated this chapter to sharing the “tricks of the trade” we use as online investigators to help identify and avoid catfishing attempts. These techniques can empower you and your teen to become your own digital detectives. While no method is 100% foolproof, these tools can offer valuable insights and help you make a more informed judgment about someone’s authenticity online.

#1: Conduct a reverse image search on their profile picture

Catfishers often use photos of other people to hide their true identities. A reverse image search can reveal whether the image is stolen from stock photo sites or social media profiles.

• Google Reverse Image Search: How-to video

• TinEye: https://tineye.com

We recommend using both, as each may return different results. These tools are best used on a desktop or laptop. For mobile devices:

• iOS: Reversee

• Android: Photo Sherlock

#2: Data mine “search engine gold” using Google

Search engine gold includes the person’s full name, username, phone number, or email address. Always place this information in quotation marks when searching (e.g., “John Smith”) to narrow the results.

If your search produces minimal or no results, this could be a warning flag.

Alternative search engine:

• Dogpile (a meta-search engine): www.dogpile.com

#3: Use social media-specific search tools

If someone is on a dating app, there’s a good chance they use other social platforms. Tools to help you investigate include:

• Social Searcher: http://www.social-searcher.com – Use the “Mentions” tab and enter the person’s name/username in quotes.

• PeekYou: https://www.peekyou.com

Again, if you find little or no information, treat this as a potential red flag.

#4: Request a video call before meeting

Once you feel confident about the person’s identity, ask for a video chat (e.g., Skype, FaceTime) before agreeing to meet in person. This helps verify they are real and not a bot or impersonator. If they make excuses or refuse to video chat, this is a major red flag.

#5: Do not share your real phone number or email

Until you've met the person face-to-face and confirmed their identity, avoid sharing your real contact details. Instead, use a free Google Voice number, which allows you to call, text, and receive voicemails anonymously. If things go wrong, you can easily delete the number and set up a new one.

#6: Meet in public for the first few dates

Always meet in a public, well-populated location for the first several dates. If the other person insists on a private or isolated setting, consider that a red flag.

#7: Trust your instincts

Your gut feeling—or what researchers call the “etheric sense”—is a product of evolutionary survival. If something doesn’t feel right, trust that feeling and proceed with caution. Especially if the facts you uncover online don't match their story and they try to deflect when questioned.

Online dating is quickly becoming the norm for young people. A 2017 industry report revealed that approximately 19% of brides reported meeting their partner through an online app or social network.

We hope this chapter helps you and your teen navigate online dating in a safer and more informed way—so you don’t become the next target of a catfish.

WATCH:Our Facebook Live Event, where we demonstrate these safety strategies (starts at the 4:42 mark):▶️ https://fb.watch/1WA7A2zvDP/

READ:A fantastic article by Dr. Pamela Rutledge – “Online Dating and Teens: Looking for Love in Digital Places”:📄 https://bit.ly/3h1nUcm