Navigating the Onlife World: Embracing Parental Responsibility in the Age of Technology and Social Media

In the ever-evolving landscape of parenting, discussions surrounding the impact of social media and technology on youth and teens have become more common, and rightly so! However, a disconcerting trend has emerged wherein some parents, and even some organizations that represent parents, absolve themselves of parental responsibility surround their child’s use of technology when bad things happen by proclaiming, "This is not a parenting issue; the blame lies with the technology and social media platforms." 

This binary statement, while understandable, oversimplifies the complex relationship between parenting and the influence of social media and technology on our kiddos. Yes – social media and technology vendors have NOT done their part; parents have been doing the heavy lifting, but to say that digital literacy, internet/tech safety, and managing the technology to access the internet is not a parenting issue is just being willfully blind. We will say it – parents and caregivers may sometimes bear a certain level of responsibility in instances where less-than-desirable outcomes arise with their child’s use of technology.

As an example, here’s a real-world case that we investigated:

• 13-year-old was given an unrestricted smartphone as a birthday gift

• Parents allowed their child to have access to this phone in their bedroom 24/7

• Child also had full unfiltered and unsupervised access to the internet 24/7

• The only digital literacy training that the parents provided was “don’t talk to strangers online.”

Result - while privately using their phone in their bedroom, the child met someone online who groomed them for sexual exploitation.

In the above noted scenario, which is not uncommon in our experience, how can the parents escape some responsibility for what happened to their child? We would suggest that most parents would not throw their keys to their new car to a youth or teens who has no driver training and say, “here you go, take a spin, be careful, don’t pick up any strangers, and have a good time” Yet, that is exactly what a parent does when you give your 13yr old child an unrestricted smartphone or computer - a digital key to the digital highway that when used un-scaffolded, will predictably lead to bad online incidents occurring, guaranteed! 

Parenting has always been a dynamic and challenging task, with each generation facing unique obstacles. In today’s onlife world, social media, and the ubiquitous nature of technology in our lives, has introduced new complexities to the parenting landscape. The rapid proliferation and easy access to online platforms and technology has given rise to concerns surround cyberbullying, exposure to inappropriate content, sextortion, and online predation/ exploitation - just to name a few. While these concerns are extremely valid, dismissing them as solely the fault of social media platforms and technology oversimplifies the intricate relationship between parents, children, technology and the onlife world that they have inherited.

One of the primary roles of parents is to mentor, guide, and supervise our children, both offline and online. Fact – younger youth often lack the cognitive maturity and critical thinking to navigate the onlife world responsibly. It is because of this fact, we would argue it is the duty and responsibility of parents to provide guidance, set boundaries, and provide our kiddos with the right technology at the right time when it comes to their emotional, psychological, and social well-being and safety. 

Social media platforms and technology vendors are not the ones responsible for instilling values, teaching empathy, fostering critical thinking, or providing access to technology that is designed for adults that youth are not ready for emotionally, psychologically, physically, and socially - these responsibilities lie squarely with parents and caregivers.

Parents play a pivotal role in cultivating digital literacy skills in their children. Understanding the potential dangers of social media and technology, discerning between reliable and unreliable information, and practicing responsible online behavior are essential components of digital literacy. Merely blaming social media platforms or technology for these challenges in isolation, neglects the crucial role parents must and should play in educating their children about the onlife world that is here to stay – there is no turning back.

Parents must establish healthy boundaries and rules regarding screen use, monitor online activities where appropriate and reasonable to do so, and engage in open communication with their children. Many, not all, social media and technology platforms offer tools and settings that parents can utilize to enhance their control and oversight – however, parents also need to understand there are no controls, tools, settings, or filters that can keep our kiddos safe 100% of the time. Again, YES, these platforms need and should be legislated to do more -something we FULLY support here at the White Hatter! However, to shift the blame entirely to these platforms and vendors is to ignore the agency that parents possess in shaping their children's online experiences when it comes to their safety.

The intricate relationship between parenting, social media, and technology demands a collective acknowledgment of responsibility. It is not merely a matter of blaming external factors and stakeholders, such as social media platforms or the technology itself. This is a "we" problem, a shared responsibility that parents must embrace. The real-world example provided in this article underscores the need for parents to exercise caution when introducing their children to adult designed technology, and the access it provides to the onlife world. 

Parenting in the onlife world requires a proactive approach, where caregivers actively engage in cultivating digital literacy skills, establishing healthy boundaries, fostering open communication, and ensuring that their child has access to developmentally appropriate technology at the right time. However, to do this, parents must educate themselves first. 

While social media platforms and tech companies should and must be held more accountable and legislated to provide more responsible practices, parents cannot absolve themselves of their crucial role in shaping their children's online experiences. By recognizing and embracing their agency in navigating these challenges, parents can empower themselves to guide their children towards a safer, more balanced, and responsible use of technology in today’s onlife world.

When it comes to onlife parenting, being a child's best friendspecific to their use of technology often only enables less than desirable onlife behaviour. Remember, that enabling can equal damaging behaviour. Be your child's best parent and not their best friend when it comes to social media and their use of technology - there is a difference!

Digital Food For Thought

The White Hatter